she's just saying...

The definition of quisling

Hey, remember me? I've been out of town, staying at a hotel near O'Hare at a trade show, which was just as dreary as it sounds. We did get into Chicago a few times to hit the museums and sneak a sushi dinner in there, so it wasn't all bad.

Whatever. I'm back and facing a mountain of laundry, bills, an empty fridge that needs to be filled, needy pets and child. So I thought I'd blog.

This is one I've wanted to share for awhile. Part of Henry's homework is to choose a vocab word for a letter of the alphabet each week, define and illustrate it. Here's the letter Q.

I think that nails it.

Someday (if the internet survives), he's not going to appreciate all these darling posts about him, but so far he hasn't wanted to read my blog, so I'm good for now. 

 

Headed to the party?

 
I couldn't resist this one, courtesy of Chris B. In honor of the big wedding on Friday, you can now reveal your royal wedding guest name. Start with either Lord or Lady. Your first name will be one of your grandparents' first names. Your surname is the name of your first pet, hypenated with the name of the street you grew up on.

OK, mine is: Lady Orpha Cracker-Field Club. *curtsies*

Here are a few from my Facebook friends. Charmed, I'm sure.

Lord Applegate Chipper-Chapman
Lady Viola Old Blue-Livingston
Lady Emilie Clifford-Elmwood
Lady Mary Snagglepuss-Cambridge
Lord Ephriam Tinka-John
Lady Betty Ginger-Freeport
Lord Leo Goober-Coloma
Lady Ruth Jet-Patton
Lord Raymond Skeeter-Bohna Park
Lady Stella Blitz-Appaloosa
Lady Martha Heidi-Chowen
Lady Ruth Chipper-Hill

Computer Hell: Firefox/Norton edition

One of the gratifying reasons to have a blog is to be able to vent publicly about the ongoing wars I have in computerland. That infuriating, frustrating impotent anger about basic things not working the way they should have been designed to function now has an outlet. So here's my latest.

It seems the latest versions of Norton Internet Security and Firefox 4 are not compatible. The two largest brands in their fields don't work together? How is this possible? Didn't anyone check?

After uninstalling, re-installing, downloading hotfixes, researching the forums and throwing things at my screen, I finally got this answer from Norton. It's helpful, I suppose, but I haven't spent the additional hour to try it yet, so I'll have to let you know.

(You don't really have to read this. Unless you're a true geek and enjoy this stuff.)

Hello Melissa,

Thank you for contacting Norton Support. 

From your email I understand that, you are unable to open the Firefox browser even after installing the hot fix tool.

I understand your concern regarding this issue and I apologize for the inconvenience. 

This issue might occur if the Norton Add-ons was not successfully installed on the Firefox browser.

To resolve this issue we have to completely uninstall and reinstall the Norton program from your computer. Please follow the below steps to reinstall the Norton program in your computer:

Note: If you have a dial up internet connection, I would suggest you to download the below link (Norton Internet Security 2011 link) in a computer having high speed internet connection and then transfer the file to your computer using a thumb drive (pen drive). 

Please click on the link below to download Norton Internet Security 2011:

http://www.symantec.com/redirects/norton/norton_com/nis11/

Note: If clicking on the above link doesn't work, copy and paste the above link in the address bar of Internet Explorer and hit on "Enter" on the keyboard.

Note: If you don't find any option to download the file, you will find a pop-up below the address bar of Internet Explorer saying "To help you protect your computer" click on the pop-up blocker and click on download file.

Once the download is complete, please click on the link given below to download Norton Removal Tool to remove the existing Norton:

http://www.symantec.com/nrt                                                    

The Norton Removal Tool uninstalls all Norton 2011/2010/2009/2008/2007/2006/2005/2004/2003 products identity safe data and Norton 360 from your computer. If you use ACT! Or Win FAX, back up those databases before you proceed.

1. Once the download is complete, double click on Norton_Removal_Tool.exe icon on your desktop. This will commence the uninstallation of existing Norton from your computer.

2. Restart your computer after uninstallation.

3. Double click on NIS-ESD-18-5-0-125-EN.exe icon on your desktop. This will commence the installation.

Once the installation is complete, you will be required to activate the product. Please activate the product with the product key given below:

Product Key: .... [sorry, I'm not going to post this publicly]

After completing the activation please run LiveUpdate in your Norton program to update the Virus definitions.

Note: The product key gets saved in the registry therefore sometimes after installation it may not ask for the product key for activation instead it directly gets activated. In such case you need to follow the steps provided below to activate your Norton product. 

Please follow the below steps to activate your Norton program:

1. Make sure that your computer is connected to Internet.
2. Start your Norton 2011 program.
3. At the bottom of Norton interface you will have an option called Renew.
4. Click on Renew.
5. You will get a box to enter the product key.
6. Please enter the following product key: ...
7. Click on next and subscription will be added.

Now run the hot fix tool and check whether you are able to open the Firefox browser.

If the issue still persists, you will need to contact our online Chat Support team who with your permission will be able to connect to your computer and look into this issue further.

Chat Support is free and is available 24 hours a day 7 days a week, you can access chat support by clicking on the link www.norton.com/chat4help

Thank you for contacting Norton Support. Have a nice day.

No, that's not me. But I did own that suit.

10 things I haven't done in Bend

Top Ten Tuesday and all that...

I moved to Bend sixteen years ago this month. And in that time I've enjoyed much of what Central Oregon has to offer. I've skiied, boarded, snowshoed, rockclimbed, canoed, rafted, backpacked, drunk beer and been to the Monster Truck Rally. But just like those New Yorkers who've never been to the Empire State Building (most of them), there are a few things you'd think I've done that I haven't. (Warning: very local post here with no explanations. Deal with it.)

I have never:

1. Cut down my own Christmas tree
2. Biked on Phil's Trail
3. Floated the river in an inner tube
4. Done Art Walk
5. Been on a Pole Peddle Paddle team
6. Rafted Big Eddy
7. Been in the Christmas Parade (we have done the Pet Parade - evidence below)
8. Eaten at Dandy's Drive-In
9. Skiied the cone
10. Served on jury duty

Mum's the word on that last one. Though I'm a faithful voter, somehow I've escaped the jury rolls so far. (Now I've jinxed myself, of course, and will likely be serving shortly.)

 So I've confessed mine: what are yours?

  Note the patriotic choice of binky

Answer

Whoops. I just assumed everyone knew the answer to the riddle, or no one cared. But someone does! So here's the answer, Maxine:

Hot Cross Buns!

A family Easter photo

What's the point of a personal blog if you can't torture your family with it? Guess who the cute one is... Happy Easter, sibs!

Happy Easter!

No, this is not the answer to the riddle - that's in the oven.

Didn't we just do this?

How is it possible that it's already time for my Easter joke?  This is the third year I've published this, so you have no excuses for not knowing it already. Even I'm bored with it...

Q.  What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?

Answer will be revealed, and eaten, tomorrow.

It's Spring! Oh, wait...

Late April in Central Oregon. Time for the annual Flowers in the Snow post:

Here's a sad daffodil.

It's okay. The sun is out now and we'll all perk up shortly.

It's Not My Fault

I blame Debbie. Or Heather. Or the Ravelry spinning community, or any number of other enabling people. This is now occupying a corner of the living room.

 I haven't used it yet, as I'm determined to finish spinning the big ball of roving I started on the hand spindle. But I've cleaned it, oiled it and set it up with a new drive belt. Now it's now waiting patiently to draw me in.

My co-worker, Debbie, bought it at a charity auction for about half its going price and has offered to sell it to me for the same. It's an Ashford Traveller double drive, for those who care about these things, slightly used I think, but its background is unclear.

I'm not in love with it yet. For one thing, I'm captivated by the low-tech simplicity of my hand spindle and its portability around the house. (No, I don't spin in public - that's just a little too weird, even for me.) I don't really want to get sucked into spinning more than I am at the moment, playing with the novelty of a little hand-toy that's really more like a yo-yo than a machine. Plus this particular wheel (and most of them) is a little kitchy-looking in my eyes - the turned spokes and legs, the Cinderella twee-ness of it.

I'll try it, and maybe I'll buy it, or maybe I'll give it back. Meanwhile I can't get that insipid Blood, Sweat and Tears song out of my head. And now it's in yours...

All that for this?

Look! I made yarn! 30 whole yards! It's a bit lumpy and uneven, but I call it "art yarn."

  
It's a long way from a sweater, or even a scarf, but I'm powering on.

Running through the years

Once upon a time I was a runner. I started when I lived in Boston, with a mix tape on my Walkman that included the Pointer Sisters, when it was still called jogging.

When I lived in New York, I ran along the East River daily with a tall handsome Haitian man named Jean-Michelle. I ran 10K races in Central Park, including the New Year's Eve race that started at midnight and included a station handing out champagne instead of water.

In California, I ran on the beach to the Santa Monica pier every morning, watching for dolphins in the waves and forgetting for a brief time that I lived in a city. 

I'd run in the rain and snow and when on vacation. Running was just a part of my daily life and I didn't think much about it, unlike skiing or scuba diving or sailing which I considered my real activities.

Then when I moved to Bend, I became an aerobics instructor and took my workouts inside to pounding disco music and emitted whoops! at regular intervals. I still trotted the river trail with my border collie occasionally, but really stopped running regularly as I began to enjoy the gym life and its social stimulus. When Henry came along, I hiked the local butte daily with him in a back carrier and Flash pulling us along. I stopped running regularly.

When we adopted Bindi this Jan. 1, I rehauled my entire morning schedule, taking her out in the freezing dark for enough exercise to take the edge off her relentless energy before she went into her kennel for the day. She stays in a big outdoor run now so the morning exercise is not as crucial, but we've stuck to it as it's becoming lighter and warmer. And I bought new trail running shoes.

So I've started running again, though I hesitate to call it that. It's more a walk/run/walk, and I'm working up to my first mile without stopping. I'm trying to resist the pressure I feel to improve push me so much that I don't enjoy it, and not to feel guilty if I keep to the walk part. It's s l o w l y becoming easier and I find I break into a jog more naturally than when I started. Bindi trots along, learning to stay to one side and out of the way. I don't think I'll be entering races again, but it's nice to experience that old feeling, from 30 years ago, when I lace up the shoes and head out the door.

Rattlesnake hits the High Desert, reports back

NOTE: By popular demand, I am reposting this from April 1st. However, please be aware that this is not funny. Or true. So don't send me any scolding emails. Thank you.

April 1, 2011, Bend, OR: Inspired by the Bronx Zoo's Cobra, one of our local rattlesnakes escaped from its exhibit yesterday to explore the town of Bend and its environs. However, after 24 hours on the loose, the viper returned and attempted to re-enter its enclosure, complaining that there was nothing new to see in the area.

Fresh from the twice-daily appearance in the hit show Venom & Vipers over spring break, the rattler thought it was time to break free and see what the big city had to offer this aspiring singer/actor/dancer.

"Really, what a let-down. B.Z.Cobra hit the Empire State Building, Times Square, Yankee Stadium. All I got to was the D&D, and they carded me. Drake Park was filled with geese - a little too messy if you know what I mean. I had to shed a skin just to clean up."

The viper continued: "It was way too far to Bachy*, plus I'd freeze my rattle off up there. Buying snow gear was going to cost an arm and a leg, neither of which I have."

"All I saw for miles around was sagebrush. I come from sagebrush! At least back here I get all the mice I want and have a 24-hour heatlamp. Plus I hang with the gila monsters - pretty cool dudes once they loosen up."

Museum officials were quick to reassure the public that the snake enclosure was secured. "HD TV and a Wii have been added to the exhibit so the snakes can exercise, although Wii Boxing is unavailable to them at this time for logistical reasons," said a spokesperson.

Image courtesy of Jill Rosell Photography - thanks, Jill!

*Mt. Bachelor for all you non-snowboarders.

spinning out of control

Help! I need an intervention! I've gotten into s p i n n i n g.

My more athletically-inclined readers are assuming "indoor group stationary bike workouts" (which is bizarre, frankly).

My Deadhead readers are dreamily reminiscing about those far-out concerts, dancing to Sugar Magnolia.

And my fiber friends are nodding their heads, saying it was just a matter of time...

I am referring to the kind of spinning where you take prepared wool and twist it to form yarn, an ancient domestic art with tons of romance and mystique. Because I don't have enough hobbies. That take a lot of tools and space. That you need to buy stuff for. And that don't get me out of the house.

I always said I'd never take up spinning like many of my other knitting friends have. And I still say I won't buy a pricy spinning wheel with all the expensive ancillary equipment and learn technical wheel mechanics. No, I've gotten sucked in by a basic, non-mechanical piece of wood that's brilliant in its simplicity and functionality: the spindle.

Here's mine, with my first attempt at yarn:

 

Simple and basic. But it's worrisome, none the less. Why do I need more yarn??? I have more yarn than I can knit in my lifetime, so now I've decided to manufacture the stuff on my own? And once you spin it, you don't stop there. You then have to wind it on bobbins, ply it together, skein it, soak it, hang it to dry, and wind it into a ball BEFORE you even begin to knit with it!

So I've taken a hobby I already spend too much time obsessing about and taken it about seven steps back.

What can I say: it's fascinating, mesmerizing, meditative and consuming me right now. Hey, it doesn't hurt anyone, right?  (Though I've been eyeing the cat - all that soft fluffy angora-like raw material right in front of me...)

At least I'm not raising the sheep for the raw fleece, which adds about elebenty billion more steps to the process.

Yet.

Countdown...

To Opening Day. Less than 24 hours ...

The Red Sox announced their lineup for tomorrow's Opening Day game against the Rangers. It makes me smile just looking at the names.

1. Jacoby Ellsbury, CF
2. Dustin Pedroia, 2B
3. Carl Crawford, LF
4. Kevin Youkilis, 3B
5. Adrian Gonzalez, 1B
6. David Ortiz, DH
7. Mike Cameron, RF
8. Jarrod Saltalamacchia, C
9. Marco Scutaro, SS
SP -- Jon Lester, LHP

It's going to be a good season.

Animals + alcohol = trouble

By popular demand (OK, my brother), this week's Friday Frylet will reprise one in the series of Melissa's Pet Disasters with the Eggnog story. Enjoy, and remember, don't let your pets drink and drive.

Driving a cat to drink

We're babysitting a friend's cat while she is in the middle of a move to Seattle right now. She is having a heck of a time juggling kids, pets and apartments while she negotiates the move.

Her trials are reminding me of the times I've moved with my animals from New York to LA and LA to Bend. In 1987 I moved from NYC to LA with a cat named Cloud, who I acquired during a scuba diving trip to Montauk. (Doesn't that make my life sound exciting and exotic? It was, at one time.) I planned to fly to LA with the cat as carry-on in a kennel designed to fit under the plane seat. I asked my vet for a tranquilizer to make the trip a little calmer for both of us, and he suggested I just give the cat a little brandy to settle him down before leaving.

The morning of the the flight came, and as I was waiting for the cab, I took the cat into the bathroom of my now-empty apartment to administer the dose. I hadn't thought it through, clearly, and was not prepared with necessary syringe, straitjacket, leather gloves and other protective equipment. All I had was a bottle and a spoon. The cat instantly surmised I was trying to poison him with this foul burning liquid and spat it all over the bathroom, himself and me. Like an idiot, I tried again with the same result. We wrestled for awhile, but the cat was defending his life and was a lot more determined. I finally stuffed him in his kennel and we arrived for our flight at 6:30 am soaking wet, exhausted and reeking of brandy. Things went downhill from there.

If I ever find that vet again...

The greatest salesman in the world: my plumber

As promised, a plumbing post.

 

It all started with a slow drip. As you know from reading this blog, I consider myself handy, though when it comes to plumbing, my fix-it skills tend to worsen matters. So I waited until I collected a number of small plumbing projects and called my guy.

The first several things were routine: too much toothpaste as dried spackle in Henry's sink drain, a drippy faucet in the kitchen and a running toilet that just needed a new arm thingie. Also, the bolt on my toilet tank was leaking ever so slightly. Like a drip every few days. I just mentioned it in passing, really.

Several hours and hundreds of dollars later, I was the proud owner of a new toilet and garbage disposal, and was seriously contemplating a new faucet system. I'm not sure how that happened. And really, my life has not improved in any measurable way, something I expect when I spend $700+ dollars. But faced with the lurid graphic visuals of a garbage disposal rotting out and spewing all over the room and the toilet tank falling off, I had to act. Right? 

Now I fighting against calling the electrician. Who knows what I'll end up with?

Summer camp, already?

If you could relate to my posts about the hell of summer activity scheduling for Henry, this may be of interest.

"Big News! Bend Park & Recreation District is opening up summer registration for their recreation programs online on March 17^th  for district residents and April 1^st  for those who live outside the district. This is a big change. Normally, programs open in May. So, now you’ll have an extra month to plan what your kids will be doing this summer. Go online and be green on St. Patrick’s Day, March 17^th. To register go to https://register.bendparksandrec.org"

So now the signing-up part isn't so bad, it's just the scheduling and the paying for.

(Yes, I know this is last year's catalog cover - but I had to publish it one more time...)

The Bone Of Contention

Here it is. The Actual Bone Of Contention.
Bindi the jungle dog* kept me awake all through the night as she lay in her kennel guarding her new bone from imagined forays by the cats to steal it. Meanwhile, the cats tore around the bedroom all riled up by not being able to get out past the dog (whose kennel is outside the bedroom door). I'd throw them out past the dog and they'd sneak back, causing the dog to growl and snap and no one got any sleep.

Then at 5:30 am we got up and took a walk in the pouring rain. File this under Life With Pets.

 

(*the neighborhood kids' name for our new dog, from this show)